Softly stroking her head, gently running my fingers through her shiny golden hair today as my sweet Sydney lay against me while running a fever of 103 degrees made my heart swell with love and gratitude. In 6 days she will be 6 years old. It feels like yesterday that I was holding her in my arms for the first time, crying tears of joy that my first baby, this precious perfect little human being was here and was mine. The best gift God had ever given me, this miracle of life, now in my arms. God chose ME to be her mommy, he chose ME to nurture her, to love her, to watch her grow, to kiss her boo boos, to hold her when she cries, to stroke her head when she is sick, to tuck her in at night, to tickle her and hear her laugh hysterically, to sing and dance with her, to show her how to love, to point her back to Him. All of these things…I have the PRIVLEGE of doing..because I’m her mommy.
Over the last 4 years, I have often felt my heart breaking for Hope in moments like these. Today it cut a bit deeper, yet I was able to feel gratitude at the same time. A strange combination. It cut deeply because Hope was 6 when I first met her. She was much smaller than Sydney is at this same age due to malnourishment and who knows what else. There is a certain comfort that a mommy can bring to a sick child, just by their presence or their tender touch. I remember when I was a little girl I always felt better when I would get to snuggle next to my mommy or could feel her comfort even by just being in the same room with her. My heart aches for Hope because I know she does not know what that is like. When we first met and she was this very same age, she didn’t have her mommy there like Sydney does. And I realize how much my almost 6-year-old Sydney still needs her mommy. I wonder what it is like for Hope when she is sick. Who snuggles her and rubs her head to make her feel better? Who brings her ice chips to eat and puts a cold cloth on her head to help bring her fever down? Who softly sings to her and kisses her on the forehead? Who tells her they are sorry she’s sick and that they love her? Does anyone even know she is sick?
I have always known that God was taking care of her long before I even knew her. I have always known that God loves her more than I can even fathom and I know he is answering my prayers for this sweet child. But today, I had some concrete answers when I asked those questions because someone was there. Someone has been there. It might not have been the same person every time, but she was not alone. God sent multiple people over the last four years to stand in the gap for me while she waited. I have connected with two people in the past few weeks in particular that I now know were there when I wasn’t. These were people visiting on multiple occasions and there were others who lived there. They were there when she got sick. They took her to clinics. They got her medicine. They got people to pray for her. They watched out for her in the village she was living in. They fed her. They were her guardian angels. God was taking care of her through them and I am forever grateful.
I always knew God was using this wait for some purpose. Most of the time I reflect on how He has changed me, my husband, our family…the lessons he has taught us (which are exponential) or the ways that sharing our story has impacted people around us (which has also been incredibly humbling and amazing to see). But what I’ve been learning lately is that he also had plans for our sweet Hope to impact countless people during this time! I have been told that entire congregations that I’ve never even met have fallen in love with her and have been praying for her. One family from that church has been praying for her faithfully every night that she “would have enough fruits and vegetables and a mommy and daddy.” One person even MOVED to Ethiopia to serve because of the impact Hope made on her heart. I am in awe of the impact God has made through the life of this little child..and I know this is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m sure ripple effect is greater than I will ever know.
One thing I DO know is that it makes me feel even more honored, even more privileged, even more humbled, to get to be her mommy. When I first held her in my arms 4 years ago, I knew that God had brought me across the ocean to meet my daughter. When I first held Sydney in my arms, the circumstances were different, but everything else was the same... “God chose ME to be her mommy, he chose ME to nurture her, to love her, to watch her grow, to kiss her boo boos, to hold her when she cries, to stroke her head when she is sick, to tuck her in at night, to tickle her and hear her laugh hysterically, to sing and dance with her, to show her how to love, to point her back to Him. All of these things…I have the PRIVLEGE of doing..because I’m her mommy.”
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