Today has been a day filled with so much joy and so much
love. Tom and my two precious girls have gone above and beyond to make me feel
special, filling the day with lots of love…
special surprises of sweet treats…
pure joy & laughter…
and family fun and games…
My heart is overflowing with love for these two children God
blessed me with when he made me their Mommy.
But…
Today is also a day where my heart feels..a bit empty. My
oldest daughter, the one I have dreamed about bringing home for close to three
years now since her little hand first held mine is sitting in Africa, waiting
for her Mommy to hold her once again. My heart breaks when I think about her being across the ocean, unable to join in the family fun with us today...and it just doesn't feel complete without her.
I find joy and SO much gratitude knowing that we are closer
than ever to bringing her home. In fact, last week on May 5, we received
official notification from U.S. Immigration saying we had been approved (again)
to adopt internationally. Now we wait on the PAIR process, which is where U.S.
Immigration (in the U.S.) and U.S. Embassy (in Ethiopia) review all of HER
documents and give us approval to adopt her specifically. This can take
anywhere between 2-5 months. So, although I am grateful and happy that we are as
far as we are in this process, I still find myself longing for the daughter I
do not have here with me today with a sense of urgency to get her home like
never before.
The emptiness I feel today also comes from a loss that
stings a bit more today than it has on other days. Today is the first Mother’s
Day that I have experienced since we lost a precious life that was growing
inside me this past September. I know the baby I never met is in the arms of
our Creator right now in Heaven and I completely trust God’s plan, but I can’t
help but feel the raw emotion of knowing I’ll never get to experience being a
Mommy to that precious baby or the joy it would have brought to my life. And
today..it hurts.
I know many of you reading this have been through or are
going through similar situations. Some of you reading this whom I’ve never met
and some of you being near and dear to my heart, are currently in the midst of
a struggle with infertility, some of you are feeling the pain from a loss of an
unborn baby or a baby who only got to breathe a few sweet breaths of life
before going into the arms of Jesus, some of you are in the midst of waiting on
an adoption to happen..wondering if it ever will, some of you are feeling alone
and abandoned as you care for your babies by yourself, and some of you are
clinging tightly to your little ones realizing not every Mama can celebrate
today.
Let me share something with you. In whatever season you are
in, whatever pain or loss or grief you feel…know you are not alone. Even if you
feel like no one could ever understand what you’re going through, I promise,
there is One who does. I have found joy through the darkness in allowing the
love of Jesus that never runs dry to fill me more abundantly during this season
than ever in my life before. I want to encourage you with this today friend, find
your strength in Him. In the One who will never leave you, will never let you
down, and whose plan for your life is greater and higher than you could ever
imagine. Trust Him. And know you are NOT alone.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to
have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every
situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I
can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13
